I admit, it can be cute, and I love individual aspects of Valentine’s Day.
Chocolate, for one. And roses. And love. Those are all nice things.
**warning: next paragraphs are over-exaggerated, melodramatic, and full of gifs**
Buuut, it’s basically a holiday that boosts the greeting card industry, lingerie sales, risk of diabetes, attendance at bad romantic comedy films starring Taylor Swift, and stress (which in extreme cases over time can cause health problems and even death).
We single ladies/men are expected to moan about being alone, sitting at home eating ice cream from a container and watching The Notebook in our pajamas. We single ladies/men are expected to be unhappy.
See this BuzzFeed post. While it’s funny, it’s sarcastic implications are concerning.
I’m not going to dwell on this, because of course everyone knows Valentine’s Day is a great time to be single. While all your attached friends are out having awkward dinners and forgetting to take their birth control, you can do WHATEVER YOU WANT. It’s like Christmas, but without the loud relatives and Michael Bublé music blasting from every radio station.
Here are some suggestions for how you can spend your Valentine’s Day, if you’re single or not.
1. You can go out.
Alone or with friends. Or with the Dark Lord. Source here.
2. You can stay in.
…we probably have similar definitions of staying in. You know, pajamas, friends, etc. Source here.
3. Chocolate. I mean, it’ll be on sale tomorrow so you could wait. But you probably shouldn’t.
Filch it. Filch them all. Source here.
4. You don’t have to shave your legs. (You don’t have to shave your legs, ever.)
Even Snape is happy about this. No more Venus razors for me, suckers. Source here.
5. Watch endless episodes of Simon’s Cat.
This is why they invented internet, for ancient Egyptian cat worship. Source here.
6. Dance to your playlists from highschool in your underwear.
Pretty sure I have the Lovegood dancing gene. Just let loose, man. Dance. Source here.
7. Invite your other single ladies/men over and play board games — because playing board games with your friends is highly underrated.
I’m no chess wiz. I’m more of a checkers type girl. Source here.
8. You can do nothing. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to exist. You can go about your life as usual and ignore consumerist attempts to get you to buy heart-shaped pillows that match absolutely nothing in your house.
Harry is talking the talk. Source here.
9. Buy your cat another bag of Temptations (because I’m sure you already have at least one bag).
Especially if he eats ears. Give the cat some treats. Source here.
10. Send your mom an embarrassing collage of all the selfies you’ve taken together.
No source necessary. We all know where this came from.
11. Rearrange your Harry Potter books.
Because you’re the only one who knows how to do it correctly, and with love. Source here.
12. Send terrible jokes to Facebook friends you don’t really know.
How many wizards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Source here.
13. Cuddle.With a pillow, a cat, a dog, a friend, your favourite stuffed animal left over from childhood. Cuddle.
Nothing is better than a long hug. I’m sirius about this, guys. Source here.
14. Blast Serena Ryder.
Dumbledore knows what’s up. Source here.
15. Stalk cute people on Twitter even if they live in a different country.
Twitter flirting is the best flirting. @LibbySometimes 😉 Source here.
16. You should probably be nice and share your chocolate with others. Sharing is caring (even if it’s hard).
Bless her heart. I could never do it. Source here.
17. Spend hours on IMDb planning all your trips to the movie theatres for the next year.
Research is important. Source here.
Reminisce about your exes. Laugh at all the poor attached people having to suffer through dates and other assorted pressures.
Gotta love uncomfortable social situations. Source here.
19. Eat lots of food for no other reason than because you can.
My life. Source here.
20. Write a passive aggressive blog post/Facebook status/Tweet about Valentine’s Day.
Vent your feelings. I am. Source here.
21. Watch Jurassic Park.
And do you best raptor impression. Source here.
22. Watch V for Vendetta.
Hugo Weaving causes excitement where ever he goes. Except future British governments. Source here.
23. Watch Sherlock.
MY FEELINGS. Source here.
24. Watch The Big Bang Theory re-runs.
I applaud your nerdiness, Sheldon, Leonard, Howard, and Roj. Source here.
25. Watch anything with Liam or Chris Hemsworth’s pretty faces and impeccable
One gif for Chris…
And one for Liam. Sources here and here.
26. Practice your axe-throwing. (Maybe start with darts. Or packing peanuts.)
You know, safety first. Source here.
But I won’t judge you. Source here.
28. For each person you love, send them a single, anonymous red rose with a note that says “I’m watching you.”
That’s a special kind of love. Source here.
So happy Valentine’s Day, if you’re single or not.
Sources here and here.